Ink on Blank Pages
by Haroou
Summary: "I walked inside wanting to get a closer look at the shelves. Honestly, part of me expected to find a ton of maple syrup... I found books."
1. An Awesome Discovery

**Ink on Blank Paper**

"I walked inside wanting to get a closer look at the shelves. Honestly, part of me expected to find a ton of maple syrup... – I found books."

* * *

Chapter 1: The Awesome Discovery

"THE AWESOMENESS HAS ARRIVED!" I shouted as I kicked open the door.

Silence.

"I SAID, THE AWESOME ME HAS ARRIVED!"

Still no answer.

That was odd, usually when I kick down Matthew's door and shouted he came running. I contemplated trying again but the house seemed rather empty...

"Hello Matt?" I wondered through a few rooms looking for him. God his house was big.

I gave up when I found the kitchen. What can I say, it was a long flight from Germany and airplane food sucks. So I decided to help myself to the left over pancakes Matt no doubt had stored in his fridge.

I located some maple syrup (Which in Matt's house is easier to find than the nose on your face)then set my sights on the pancakes, but just as I was pulling out the plate filled with the delicious breakfast items I noticed a piece of paper stuck to them.

Well it had words on it so it was probably a note. It read:

_ Dear Gilbert_

_I've gone to a climate meeting in Russia. I knew if I told you... Y-you would worry b-but Ivan's not a bad guy... Anyway I should be back in a few weeks... Help yourself to the pancakes._

_ -Matthew. _

_Oh! P.S: Kuma...Kumaka?... Kumajiro and... And the kids are at their own meetings so the house is probably empty but feel free to stay there as long as you want._

At first I snickered because even in his notes the guy stuttered but after reading it through another time I felt kind of sad. Well not sad! That's not awesome! Just annoyed that my friend was in Russia! Of all places! Plus all the provinces and territory were gone so I couldn't torment them...

"AHH!" I shouted frustrated. What was the awesome me suppose to do! I could go back home, but West was probably busy and that would just be a waste of time! I guess I could go bother Hungary or that piano freak, but I did that last week...maybe I could...

"RAAH I'M SO BORD!" I exclaimed out loud, my sudden outburst disturbing Gilbird. (Who I just realized was on my head... Sneaky bird.)

In the end I decided to deal with this un-awesome situation after I ate the very awesome pan cakes. I noticed there were a lot of them. There was no way Matt would make this many if he wasn't going to be home for two weeks... Had he made them thinking I would eat them?

RRRrrrr these thoughts just made me miss him so I decided to watch T.V. This being Canada, watching T.V meant watching hockey.

I watched it for a good twenty minutes but...Hockey was not the same without Matt. For one thing it was a lot, and I mean A LOT, less life threatening. (No seriously, Matt could get _really_ angry when his favourite teams were losing!)

I flipped the channel the telivised content just agitating me further.

First stop, Curling? – NO! Cartoons ? – The main character was a mountie NO!... A nature show about polar bears? – God was the world after me today?

I turned off the T.V.

"There must be someone I can hang out with or somewhere I can go!" I asked Gilbird who remained silent.

"Yeah... I couldn't think of anything either."

I sighed deeply putting my syrup covered plate into the sink.

"Ya' know Gilbird, we should probably just head home."

No answer.

"Gilbird?"

I ran my hand over my head – just hair.

"Aw Hell! Don't tell me you're lost!"

Of course the stupid bird didn't answer.

"Not awesome!" I muttered trying to find him.

I threw off the pillows from the couch, went through the fridge again (Cause' you never know.), and went through several of the empty rooms.

Nothing. No Gilbird.

"Stupid...bird." I muttered leaning against the wall. I had been looking for hours and I was pretty sure I was more lost than him. Damn Matt and his huge house.

I began to bang my head against the wall. "Damn. Un-awesome. Stupid. Situat-"

Wait where did the wall go?

I fell backwards in a heap, an awesome heap, mind you, but still what the hell!

I sat up rubbing my head a little confused.

"Did...Did I just fall backwards?"

"Peep." came the reply.

"Gilbird!" I exclaimed happily turning around. What I saw took my breath away.

There was Gilbird, of course; happily looking up at me, but behind him there was an expansive array of shelves.

I looked around deducing that I had been leaning against a door...? I was sure it had been a wall... I guess it could have been a hidden door but what on Earth would _Matthew_ want to hide?

I walked inside scooping up Gilbird as I went. I wanted to get a closer look at the shelves (Honestly, part of me expected a ton of bottles of maple syrup.)

I found books.

At first I didn't understand but it slowly dawned on me that this many books, this many _hidden_ books, could only be one thing – A secret diary. From the looks of it, one that has been written in every day, (Trust me, I can tell this kind of thing. After all don't I have my own?")

Course' It's still surprising Matt had something like this... I mean it's Canada we're talking about! (How much history could the guy have?)

I casually grabbed a book off a random shelf. I dully wondered if they were in chronological order but after a few seconds of careful deliberation I decided I didn't care.

I saw a desk, sat down and flipped the book open.

Now I'm not too sure what I expected. Matt was my friend but I'm sad to say I didn't know all that much about him, (Other than the fact that he made the best damn pancakes in the world!)

I stared at Matthew's neat cursive writing and began to read.

_ Dear Diary,_

_I think I am becoming a little more independent now... _

_Maybe...No, not maybe- For sure!_

_I say this because... I think I made Arthur mad. Not just because I refused to join his stupid war with Turkey, (It's only been a few years since the Great War! How he can think of getting invloved __ in anotherfight is beyond me... it's actually disgusting when you think about it.)_

"Disgusting?" I said the word out loud, it seemed so harsh... Did Matt really talk like that?

I shrugged looking back down wanting to know what this past Matt had meant about becoming independent.

_Any way I did that and I signed an official document on my own. Oh! and my boss kind of sort of made Arthurs representative cry..._

_Umm... Let me explain..._

_The Liberals and the Conservatives are split down the middle. Both have to rely on a third parties vote to get their way. This third party is called the Progressive party and they mostly side with the Liberals; however they dropped their support because of recent events._

_You see prohibition is in effect but-_

I gagged, "Prohibition! ...No alcohol? The fiends!"

_-But my current boss was making bathtub gin and smuggling it to Alfred... I know this because I help him ...Often._

I couldn't help myself, I laughed. The image of a young defiant Mattie carting contraband across his border was simply too much. I always would have pegged him as being one of those red mountie people he liked talking about so much- Not the person running away from them! HA HA! And according to this his boss was too! Oh Fritz I had to read more!

_This information leaked and the Progressive Party didn't take it too well...They full on dropped their support, like I mentioned, and the Conservatives called for a census, which is basically a vote that would condemn my boss. _

I frowned at the information. I kind of liked the sound of this illegal alcohol dealing guy.

_But my boss...is not the type you can get rid of easily...You see he called for an election that day so the census had no time to come into effect._

_I thought this pretty clever but the Governor General or Arthur's baby sitter for me as I like to call him, didn't seem to think so._

_He demanded that the census be completed first. My boss was absolutely furious, see' you need the Governor Generals approval to call an election, but if the census had been passed my boss would have been forced out of politics. So my boss did the only thing he could- fight tooth and nail! He claimed that the Governor General was refusing to take the advice of a Prime Minister elected by Canadians. The backlash was so great against the Governor General that he never spoke out against my boss again._

_Oh, and he won by the way...the election. He's still my boss._

_When Arthur found out he cried. Not for real- I don't think he was that upset...B- but still for the first time I caused Arthur disappointment and I-I felt good about it... I wonder if this is how Alfred felt...W- When he realized he was ready to grow up..._

_Anyway, I'm tired now... good night diary._

I paused.

I always thought Mattie unquestioningly did what his parents (Is parents even the proper word?) wanted. It seemed strange that he would be so happy, even over such a tiny form of rebellion.

I snorted before flipping the page. A rebelling Mattie? Like for real? Now THAT was funny.

I caught my breath and looked back down at the pages.

I was surprised to see that they were blank.

This wasn't the end was it?

I flipped forward a bit until I came to a long yet seemingly hastily written paragraph.

_ Dear Diary,_

_I'm so sorry I've been ignoring you but you see..._

_I got my independence!_

_Well, technically I was independent before, but now I'm equal to Arthur. __Oh, and not just me! Brother New Zealand, Australia, and South Africa are all equal too!__See we all signed this lovely thing called: The Statute of Westminster. Not all at once but-_

I smiled.

Matthew had gone on and on to talk about what this bill was and what it was supposed to do. Basically it made him an autonomous country.

All the technical words he was using to describe the politics behind the bill, or whatever it was supposed to be, was making my head hurt (memorandum, expounding, Taschereau, Dominion, and Parliaments are all really unawesome words...)

Despite this I liked it. Probably because I could tell how happy Mattie was when he wrote this and I knew if I were under Fuzzy Brows rule I'd be pretty happy to get my independence. (Should I even mention the word scone?)

I flipped towards the end to this section.

_T-The supreme courts final rulings are still in Britain but I-I'm still happy because..._

_I achieved __this all w-without a...Without a war. _

I swear I could hear Matthew sigh.

_Anyway good night diary... I-I am tired now._

Now that struck a chord with me. I'm not entirely sure why... maybe Matthew using the word "war"? No that couldn't be it he used it earlier... AH! I began to rub my head vigorously in annoyance. I think I remember Matthew telling me about his hatred of conflict... Wait conflict? Hadn't I fought Matthew in WW1 and 2 alongside West?... That's right I did.

Hmm...I haven't thought of Canada as a soldier in a very long time...

I suddenly did not want to read further.

"Rarrr! Stop these un-awesome thoughts me!" I commanded myself. (Though if you could remember what it was like back then you would probably agree some things are better left in the past.)

That being said part of me was curious. We were on opposite sides... Had he written about me or West? Had he used harsh worlds like no doubt I had done in my own accounts?

I decided to find out... but not today. I would save those discoveries for later. (Shut up I wasn't scared or worried or nothin'! No way the awesome me would be... I mean it's just paper and ink!)

I set aside the books labelled with the dates that corresponded with the two world wars as well as the cold. Whatever Matthew had done during the Cold war had no bearing on me (At least I'm pretty sure it didn't.) but never the less I removed it out of habit... jeeze I was acting un-awesome...

I decided to distract myself with something. I walked back over to the shelf and randomly pulled of a rather tattered looking thing. I flipped it open and began to read.

_ Dear Diary,_

_I have a boss. I- I have a boss. It seems so weird just to write it out like this... a boss._

_My very first one..._

_His name is John and at first I was kind of apprehensive... Maybe nervous? Anyway He's ... __Grizzled... Is that the right word...? I-I don't want to sound like I dislike him. Actually quite the o__pposite... Thanks to him British Columbia, P.E.I, and North West Territories have chosen to __come live with my at my house. It makes ne so happy that my family is growing. John even __proposed to have a railway built so we can all be together... I'm a little worried though... I mean __a railway that stretches across me? Canada? I don't know if such a thing can be done. We'll have __to wait and see..._

Matthew talked some more about the railway then Yao, for some reason, but I skimmed over those parts. Why? Well on the next page this John guy was drunk:

_ Dear Diary,_

_Today in parliament my boss was arguing with the opposition... I could tell that he __had been drinking heavily. A life time with Arthur had at least taught me that... I mean he __was slurring and he smelled... well he smelled like copious amounts of rye to put it bluntly... Like __there was no way this man could possibly pass as sober...T__o emphasise my point, John puked. Right there in the middle of a meeting... It was kind of __awkward. Anyway, the opposition jumped on to that saying: __"Is this the man you want running __your country, a drunker." This made me anxious but I need not have fretted for John came back __saying: " I get sick sometimes not because of drink or any other cause, except that I am forced to __listen to the ranting of my honourable opponent." Everyone agreed and the meeting continued __as if nothing had happened..._

_Sometimes I wonder about my politicions..._

BAHAHAHAH Oh how I loved that! So classic so amazing so awesome! This John guy sounded like quite the stand up fellow. Puking all over all everything! BAHAHA.

It took me a couple of seconds to catch my breath. (Though seriously a President- Oh wait Matt calls them Prime Ministers- hurling in the middle of a fight? How awesome is that? I'll give you a hint PRETTY DAMN AWESOME!)

I smiled then continued to read however I barely got past the "Dear Diary" on the next page before my stomach began to growl.

Wait didn't I just have a stack of pancakes smothered in mouth-watering maple syrup?

I slowly checked the clock on my cell phone.

Oh Fritz I've been reading for hours! (Not to mention the hours I wasted stumbling through this monstrous house looking for Gilbird!... crafty little sneak. )

Aw hell! I pouted angrily. I was hungry (and kind of tired...) but I didn't want to stop reading...

"Food first read later." I dutifully reminded myself that if I didn't get any nurturance my constant stomach rumbles would become distracting. Plus I could bring food back here for snack purposes.

So reluctantly I got up, stretched and made my way to the kitchen.

* * *

Alright! My first multi chapter series! I tried to make it as historically accurate as I could... though I probably failed in that department. -_-; (Did anyone notice how much I cheated when it came to talk about the CPR?)

Anyway...Please review and comment. I'm really looking for ways I can improve my writing and ideas for this particular story to help it move it along.

So any ideas you have. Any Canadian (or German) historic event/ Character interaction that you absolutely adore and want to see Gilbert read in Matthew's secret diary. Don't be shy to say. :D

Thanks for reading!~


	2. Who am I?

**Ink on Blank Paper**

"I walked inside wanting to get a closer look at the shelves. Honestly, part of me expected to find a ton of maple syrup... – I found books."

Hey!~ Sorry this took so long but better late than never! Also, last chapter I forgot the disclaimer... but you probably already assumed I don't own Hetalia.

Plus, I also forgot to warn about the immense amount of profanity I will no doubt use in the future... but we'll worry about that bridge when we cross it, eh?

* * *

**Chapter 2: Who Am I?**

Did I mention how god damn big Matthew's house is! It's huge! Annoyingly huge... After retrieving the plate of pancakes from the fridge and a hearty bottle of maple syrup, I barely manage to find my way back to the secret room. (No thanks to Gilbird who lead me to a linen closet and that jerk Ontario's room. Leafs? Baha!)

I ate my fill, wiped my fingers and then attempted to try to find where I had left off before my stomach distracted me.

I vividly recalled reading something about a prime minister named John getting drunk and throwing up on people (Awesome!) I really wanted to find him again!

I began to flip through one of the books I had gotten out scanning for his name, eventually I found it... Though, it was hidden beneath a few distraught and frantic looking paragraphs.

_Dear Diary,_

_I-I I'm so confused! Every day I feel as if there are people pulling me... As if in two or three separate directions... People are being hurt- My people, but my other people do not seem to care...A- And that rubs off on me. So I'm just so terribly muddled... John is of no help. He is either drunk or hung over and as a human I doubt he understands what I'm going through. My French Canadiens are livid, My English settlers are unaccommodating, and my Native people are displeased. A- And I-I... I don't think I know what I am._

Wow... That last sentence was heavy! I wasn't entirely sure what it meant so I just kept reading...

_In the past few months there have been several rebellions against the English government by the Métis people. The Métis people are a group of folks made up of French traders who intermarried with the Native Buffalo hunters. For some reason the English call them Burt Wood...But that's not important... A-Anyway the English government has been pretty harsh on the Métis...So harsh I don't even want to think about it. T-The rebellions have been pretty forgivable u-up until recently but then the leader of the rebellion, Louis, shot a prisoner... We not him exactly, A different guy did, but..._

For some reason I was not to terribly impressed. Like one guy was shot? One guy? And from what I gather from the rest of Matt's writing he was just some random douche bag! Not even an important person like an Arch Duke or a famous singer... But as I read more of past events from these frayed pages the situation became twisted. Not just the history (Which by my standards did not seem like a big deal.) but Matthew's writing as well. It became calm and then crazed at sporadic points as if Matt wasn't really sure who he should be rooting for or why.

His comments, ranged from:

_-Good the Rebellions are under control I hope they get rid of that Louis._

To outrages cries of :

_-They can't do that to my people, Louis is their leader!_

I don't know why this past Matt was writing in such a haywire fashion... It almost seemed as if he were two people! But of course that would be so not awesome.

"Well... it could be-... nah."

I stuck out my tongue and kept reading.

What I read made me feel bad so I closed the book harshly and began to route around for something else.

See that Louis guy- he was hung. (Or hanged ... Whatever, you know what I mean!) Mattie begged John to stop the execution but his boss was to drunk off his ass to stop it in time.

Oh, and that rebellion thing kind of burnt it's self out. (Much to Matt's relief and anguish.)

As a result...I just knew there would be a jumble of confused thoughts written in that Un- Awesome Two Canada's scrawl. So I skip it.

Sighing I looked over at the pile of books I had assembled from the wars then turned away. ...Those were for later.

Or at least I told myself that.

I leaned back in my chair and grabbed something random. (West hates it when I do things sporadically and out of order but I think it's more fun, and fun equals awesome!)

Flipping it open I began to read some story about women's rights... Boring!

I was about to slam the cover down when something caught my eye- Little scribbles in the ledger and corners.

Now I knew Mattie was pretty artistic so I figured these markings must be doodles. And a few of them were; however, most were not...

I didn't really understand. It was just so strange a feeling to see Matthew's printing suddenly turn self-deprecating as the words "Who Am I?" surfaced on page after page in his diaries.

I remember reading about Matt feeling like he was being pulled apart, I remember him as an enemy, as a friend, and I remember him telling me about how no one, not even his family, can remember a thing about him.

Hm... Okay I'm gonna' tell you a secret. Well not really a secret but a theory. See I think people's existence can only be confirmed by others. I exist because I make sure West knows that I do every day! Same with that piano jerk and Mrs. Frying pan! ... But I can't see little Matt forcing his existence on to other people. It's just not the Canadian way! ... How ironic is that.

Knowing what to look for I realized the "Who Are Yous" are in a lot of the books. But I know Mattie must have at least a few more badass moments in his past that weren't clouded by self doubt and I determinedly got up to look for them.

After searching I sat back in the chair and huffed felling slightly down.

I wanted to read something awesome from Matt's history! (Something like that smuggling alcohol story again!) But I kept picking out horribly boring or depressing things that seemed pretty out of context. (Which is totally not because I'm reading it out of order.)

This was probably a sign that I had to rethink my plan.

"What do you think Gilbird?" I asked taking a bite out of one of my snacks.

"Poo-Too-Peep"

And suddenly I knew the answer! It was so simple! I had to think! Not just to think but to remember! Canada has slipped me tons of juicy tidbits from his history books over the years I just had the find what he mentioned! People normally only talk about the good stuff anyway, right?

I thought back to a world meeting in which that fatso America had insisted on playing board games.

Lame right?

Anyway, a couple of games were fun but, this one called Risk? Well it went over as well as cat at a dog park. France kept taking over England, Japan had his army figures concentrated in one small spot, Russia stole pieces when no one was looking and when caught just claimed he was hastening the inevitably reality that every piece on the board would "Become One." , America kept taking Canada's pieces thinking they were his, West was to uncomfortably with the games concept to play , and Italy for some strange reason was winning...

In the end England flipped the board in frustration so as punishment (Or at least seemed like punishment.) America made us all play Monopoly.

If you have never played Monopoly well- Just don't play Monopoly. It sucks and takes forever to finish! (The meeting ended at 5:00 but we couldn't leave until the game concluded at 9:00!Damn that America!)

Anyway my point is half way through the game America exclaimed, "Oh my god! This game is like Wall Street!"

Now usually America doesn't catch on to these things. Maybe it was just his elation over his discovery but he noticed Matthew's No-Shit Sherlock face and took offence.

"What's wrong Matt? Jealous because I discovered the games secret message before you!"

Canada blinked dully.

"...What?"

"You heard me! It was easy to figure out after I realized this game uses a lot of money, and banking stuff."

Another blink

"Al, didn't you invent this game...?"

"Yeah, But only a hero like me could find the secrets I locked inside!"

" ...I swear to god Al if your drinking coffee again I'm cancelling all trade with you."

"I'm not! You're just mad because I understand these economy things more than you do! "

Matthew kind of went ridged. He honestly seemed shocked and his head began to tilt to one side. His expression clearly read: "No e'fing way!"

"Let me get this straight." Matthew whispered trying to keep from laughing, "Y-You understand the economy more than I do?"

"Yup" America smiled confidently.

"You do realize you just had a major recession, one that came second only to THAT time."

I assumed "THAT" time is the great depression of the 1930's.

"Well, yeah what of it!"

Oh, America. You lost this fight before it began. I laughed silently.

Matthew scowled before launching into, what can only be described as, a raging venomous rant.

That day America did learn exactly "what was of it" much to my satisfaction. As Matthew reminded him of: His colossal debt, his crashing real estate market, the corruption, all the foreclosures, his huge tab for the war with Iraq, the fact that he invested his money poorly, and that his currency was backed by fake gold.

America would have probably fought that last comment but he was too upset to say much of anything.

The end of that whole scene was pretty anti-climactic. Mattie apologized (Of course) and offered to drive America home. Who accepted under the conditions they stop at a burger place.

As for Monopoly, well...isn't it just typical that the communist wins at a capitalist themed game?

"But Mr. Prussia I am no longer communist."

"Hey! Did you see any quotations around those words? Get out of my head!"

I shook myself.

I was getting too carried away with that memory/daydream!

I scowled as I leaned back in my chair. What part of Matthew's history could I peer into from this? The great depression? The more recent depression that America seemed to have caused with his lack of banking skills? Nah. Those seemed sad and boring! I wanted something awesome!

Then another memory hit me.

It seemed so off hand then...but... Anyway, let me explain: It was America again. This time I met him at the beach so he was in his swim trunks. (The bastard had just beaten me at a swim race! RRRrrr) And... I can't quiet remember how but I noticed a feint burn mark on America's chest.

"What's that?" I had asked. It seemed like an old wound but I was curious.

"Oh... You know what I'm not sure!"

Alfred smiled heroically.

"How could you have forgotten such things!"

Marks on a nation-person were very different from scars on a normal human.

"Not sure."

Another smile then America ran back into the water.

Now that memory isn't substantial by its self but I do remember one day when I was with Matt. We were walking back to his house from a pizza place when it began to rain. By the time we got there we were both thoroughly drenched.

Inside Matt led me to his laundry room. He handed me a plain red sweater and a pair of black jeans from the dryer and grabbed out a blue sweater with a white fleur-di-lis on the back and a plaid kilt.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Umm... The kilt belongs to N-Nova Scotia." Matthew explained putting it on.

"The red haired brat?" I asked changing into the jeans.

"Well... H-he does have red hair..."

"What about the shirt?"

"It's Q-Quebec's."

"The loud French brat?"

"...Umm yeah let's go with that." Matt rolled his eyes while peeling off his soaking wet shirt.

When it was completely off but before he put on the dry shirt I noticed something. (I was so totally not staring at Matthew's chest!...Why would you think that!) It was a faded scar. The same one America had and in practically the same place...

Now, I'll say it again. Scars on nation people are much different than human wounds- Nation scars mean something... represent something. And it was far too weird that two different nation people would have the same scar... unless...

"Hey Mattie how did you get that?" I had asked pointing to the blemish.

"Ohhh... Ummm..." Much to my surprise Matthew got embarrassed, "I-I ahhh fell."

I gave him a look, "Bullshit."

"Okay... well it was a long time ago me and Al, got in a fight... that's all." Matthew then laughed despite himself, "Umm do you want some hot chocolate or something? (With added maple syrup of course.)

"Hell yeah I do!" I had said forgetting all the questions I had.

Back in reality I yawned and stretched out. All this thinking and remembering stuff was making me tired (It was defiantly not the jetlag, a sugar crash, or the fact that I've basically been sitting in a small dark room for several hours.)

But I had what I needed from my good old noggin. Matthew had said that he and Alfred had had a fight... That means that Canada and America had had a war!

I smiled inwardly knowing this. All thoughts of Canada as a soldier against me was... well terrifying!... but against that fat ass America? Awesome! It had to be entertaining!

I began to scour the book shelves. I had to find the book that contained Mattie's memories of that conflict! I just had to...

Finally I did.

Or at least I thought I did...

It was a blue leather bound, frayed journal. Not quiet believing that I found what I was looking for so easily I checked the date.

1775.

Hmmm... The contents mentioned a couple battles between Matthew and his twin... but it wasn't what I wanted. I could just tell.

Shaking my head I put the book back. I slid it right between 1774 and 177-.

Wait. The large faded red book next to the 1775 book was not 1776 but rather 1812.

Why were Matt's books out of order? Did I put it like that? Was there even an order to begin with?

"I don't know. No. And maybe just not in the conventional way I'm use to." I said answering all my inner questions out loud.

Maybe Matt grouped his books based on events and feelings rather than dates or numbers... how... How un-like West.

I laughed at the image of my brother trying to figure out Matt's system. Ludwig was such an exact guy he'd probably just see all these books as a mess.

I yawned sharply which sobered my laughter.

This book was defiantly it. If the blue book held past conflicts between the North American brothers this one would hold them to. (If my awesome theory was correct. Which it is.) Which means it would probably explain the twin scars.

I opened the book with relish but soon ran into a problem.

A big problem.

"My eyes are blurry."

My tiredness hit me in a wave. I haven't slept in such a long time... maybe I could just close my eyes real quick...

I slumped in my chair and fell asleep instantly. The last thing I remembered was Gilbird nuzzling into my hair.

* * *

End of chapter 2! This chapter was lame but the next one will be better... Anyway, thank you for reading this far! I tried to incorporate as much history as I could so if you have any questions about what something means please, I'd love to answer. :D Also I apologize for any mistakes... I tried to get them all but I'm sure I missed a ton.

Oh and _Canadiens _are different from Canadians... Just so all you non-Canadians know. .. Ahaha

Until next time!~

-Haroou


	3. The Worst Emotion

**Ink on Blank Paper**

_"I walked inside wanting to get a closer look at the shelves. Honestly, part of me expected to find a ton of maple syrup... – I found books."_

Hey welcome to chapter three! Glad you read this far, hopefully you enjoyed the ride. The incredibly slow and not all that well thought out ride, Ahaha. *Shame*

I think I might add in some Provinces as characters, like real characters not just mentioned in the background characters. Does anyone have an opinion on that?

Anyway read first opinion later- Oh, and I don't own Hetalia.

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Worst Emotion**

I awoke slowly and stretched awkwardly. That had to be the world's worst sleep. Seriously I just fell asleep while sitting hunch over in a chair. Not awesome!

I got up and moved my limbs around trying to stretch out my sore muscles, "That's it, next time I get sleepy I'm finding a real bed." I told Gilbird. Not that he cared.

I made a mental note to explore Mattie's house and map out all the possible sleeping areas. He had like what? Thirteen kids? Surely they had beds perfect for the awesome me.

Feeling relatively refreshed I sat back down in the chair that should NEVER be slept upon. I then sort of looked around for a second, checked my phone, and E-mailed West. I just hit the send button when suddenly I remembered the book.

"Oh, Fucking Austria, Gilbird why didn't you remind me?"

"Peep."

"You are seriously the most unhelpful animal companion ever!"

"Peep?"

"I'm mad at you!"

"Pee-to-weet."

"…Okay, you are still the cutest…" I relented, just wanting to open the book.

I briefly thought of Matt as I pulled open the cover.

What was he to me?

I shook my head and looked to the page, what I saw was rather jarring- "I DO NOT NEED TO BE LIBERATED!" was written in big bold cursive.

That made me stop and think, "Liberated?"

I quickly scanned through the novel. From what I gathered Matthew, at this point in history, was living with Eyebrows but not the Fat Ass. Mattie had been living with Francis up until some sort of war (That Francis lost of course because he ALWAYS loses,) which had left him vulnerable and alone. He was the adopted by Arthur who promptly ignored him in favour of Alfred.

Not that you would think that from looking at Matt's writing. He genuinely loved Arthur even if the scone faced tea sucker did ignore him. He also, for some reason, loved his brother.

…I never thought about it before, because there was just so many Nation-people in Europe, but North America is a rather lonely place it's just Burger Gut and Matthew- No one else. Well … There was México but she mostly hung out with the South American crowd so she didn't count.

…For a long time it would have just been Al and Matt; Alone together.

I shook my head and read the next passage,

_Arthur has been very nice to me. I always thought he was scary but after Alfred declared his independence I felt as if I have grown closer to him. I even learned English! … I thought it would make him notice me…B-but recently he hasn't been visiting me. I know he's busy! He says there are wars going on in Europe…. That and I know being so near Alfred makes him angry. I just wish he would think about me now and then. _

Matthew was a sad kid. I bit my lip and kept reading.

_Alfred too… I haven't seen him since he tried to… t-to invade Quebec. He and Arthur still fight. Not with guns- Alfred won that type of war. This war is fought with trade sanctions, and politics. Arthur keeps trying to put pressure on Alfred but Alfred will keep resisting. Arthur doesn't know Alfred like I know Alfred. Nothing can tread on him… he's just that stubborn! Sometimes it makes him act differently…_

"Act differently?" I said out loud. I knew all about "Acting differently."

_And when he gets all worked up he becomes dangerous… One second though maybe it is better that Arthur and Alfred forget me. I don't want to see them fight again…. _

Awww Matt, ever the peaceful one. If I didn't know for a fact he was a lumberjack I would call him a hippie.

I flipped the page,

_I found out now that Alfred wanted to fight Arthur again! He wanted to so badly…._

The page had a dried crinkly texture, where Matthew had cried on it.

_He had won! He was his own country! W-why did he need to keep f-fighting… Today Alfred gave me a declaration of war. He was invading me! And he was invading me to hurt Arthur. He said it was to liberate me. Liberate me…. I DO NOT NEED TO BE LIBERATED! _

There were more crinkly pages from ancient tears.

_He-s so much bigger than me… his army outnumbers my population! …I-I just want to go to sleep... m…_

I could feel Matt's exhaustion and betrayal as if it were a tangible thing. I understood he was loyal to England (God only knows why) But loved Alfred (Again, only God knows why) But felt horribly mad at the both of them because he just wanted to sit in his corner of Earth alone, farming…. Or fur trading… I forget what order those where in.

Apparently Fatso had considered taking over Canada, "A matter of marching." Which just mad Matthew more upset.

I huffed and stopped reading momentarily. Mattie really did seem pitiful…I mean I still felt bad for his predicament! I just say this because the only times I ever saw Matt fight was World War one and two. At that time he was batshit crazy. H-he didn't scare me or nothing! The awesome me is never scared (West had nightmares for years though….) The point being he was strong and fearless! Colonial Matt was well….

I skimmed over the next passage but when I got to the end of it my heart had leapt into my mouth.

I take back what I said.

"I shouldn't be reading this," I said slightly panicked to Gilbird.

He cocked his head.

_I had the most intoxicatingly strange dream last night…_

Dreams and Nation-People are not a good thing!

_It was dark and I was in a field. There were beautiful flowers all around and a cool breeze blowing over everything; breathing life. There was no fighting here- just calm. I lay in this serenity taking it in. A voice called to me, it said, "Why do you slumber during war?"_

_I told it I was tired of fighting and that I didn't care anymore. Let Arthur and Al take care of it._

"_Doesn't it make you sad though?"_

They are horrible things!

_Incredibly so, but maybe he'll leave like last time…. No harm done, I tell it._

"_Do you really believe that?"_

_No._

"_Does Al scare you?"_

…_._

_The voice had a shape at this point, Shadowy but kind._

_He is my brother I assured it._

"_That's not what I asked." The shadow persisted._

_I remained silent. Al did scare me! He scared me a great deal… especially after he declared war on me, but I didn't want to say it out loud._

"_Because if he does…" The shadow purred, "I can help you."_

_I woke at that point and feeling unsettled. I then got ready for the day; Arthur had said he was coming-_

I had to tell myself that these books were ancient, that they didn't apply to today. Especially the dream parts because dreams are dangerous for Nation-People! …We dream the end of the world.

…Okay, that was dramatic. But basically we are human, duh! However we are also something far more. Maybe I shouldn't be talking because this part of me is gone? But we feel things. We feel the death of every single one of our people, we feel their joy, their sorrow their ambitions….

We feel their dreams. And because of that we dream the dreams of nations. The last time I had such a dream with talking shadows I-I….

_Arthur was usually the one fighting. I tried to help the best I could, happy that he was there. I had a gun a-and fired it on occasion. Arthur usually told me to stay away, but I didn't because I couldn't bear the pinprick deaths that raked across my body. _

_I was afraid of seeing Alfred. _

_I don't want this to be real…_

_And for some reason I am constantly sleepy. I'm not sure why… Maybe I am just stressed. I hope Alfred just goes home._

"Peep"

Shut up Gilbird I'm reading!

"Pee-to-weep."

"We'll go to the kitchen is a second jeez!"

_Every single time I fall asleep I dream about the flower field, and the shadow. The dreams feel really bizarre and every time I wake up I don't feel as if I have sleep_

_The dreams themselves are pleasant but the shadow does ask some tough questions… Do I really love Arthur? Am I afraid of Alfred? Who are you? Does Papa France hate you? Do you feel alone? …Just really tough stuff. I usually don't answer. _

_I already feel bad enough as it is. I tell it._

"_It's okay to feel bad. I will make you feel better." It would always say._

_But I would wake up before I gave it an answer._

"It's a trap, Matthew!" I shouted at the pages.

Don't act like yelling at paper is weird, if you were squatting in your friend's house reading their uber secret diaries about their messed up childhood you would shout at books too. Plus it's a hard pill to swallow- Canada having corrupt dreams! I would laugh if I didn't know how horrifying a concept it was.

_I'm starting to worry. I've been catching glimpses of Alfr-America… wearing his bright blue coat… He looks healthy... I don't think he's seen me. If he has he just sees through me…_

_A-also the shadow is appearing in my day dreams now … I keep hearing the voice. "Let me help you…" it says. Kumajiro generally nudges me back to reality. That or Arthur hits me and tells me to pay attention._

On the next page Matthew's writing was horribly gagged. "Oh here we go," I though.

_Arthur and my p-people have fought off the Americans quiet valiantly…b-but. Oh God it hurts so bad!_

Ah! So this is where the scar is from. I nod and read over it.

It's sort of hard to read so let me summarize this next part for you. Fatty was trying to seize a place called Kingston but was unable to so he stormed another place called York- He burned it to the ground.

_I-I was fighting! And suddenly my heart caught fire. My entire body was convulsed as I fell to the ground. I don't know how long I was lying there. I didn't see any British troops, or Indians. Just Americans who probably thought I was dead. Kumajiro I had sent away earlier… so it was just me and the fire that was slowly burning me from the inside out. I almost blacked out. … But then I saw him-America, standing by the public buildings, a torch in his hand a grizzly smile on his face._

_I hated him at this point. I really did._

_I never wanted this war, I never wanted to fight. I didn't want to hurt anyone…._

_Oh how my head hurt. Darkness was blurring my fission. I remember Alfred whistling that dammed stars and stripes song as he walked passed my broken form._

_I wanted to rip him and tear him apart, but I c-couldn't move. The pain only faded when I finally lost consciousness._

_I was in the flower field. The sweet smell of flowers was mixed with smoke. I walked around my field, the imagined movement only making my anger grow. I hate being this small. I hate being this weak! I actually have vague memories of being a massive warrior with red skin…. Of being strong…. _

"_Do you fear America?" The voice asked. I hadn't realized it was here._

_Yes, I told it._

"_Do you want to be strong so as to expel the invaders?"_

_Yes, I told it._

"_Will you let me help you?"_

_I hesitated. This was a dream wasn't it? The field and flowers weren't real… How could a spectre help me?_

_I was going to ask the shadow this but for some reason the question that formed on my lips was one I ask myself far too much._

_Who are you?_

"_I'm you."_

"Oh shit just got real!" I told Gilbird, who was peeking at my fingers trying to get me to get him some food.

"I'm almost done!" I complained.

He kept peaking, "Let me at least finish this section!"

"_B-but…" I wanted to say that I was me; however I failed to articulate this. _

_The shadow seemed to understand what I meant and laughed. _

"_You represent Upper and Lower Canada right?"_

_I nodded._

"_I represent all Upper and Lower Canadians thoughts…. mostly of the darker variety."_

_He had a face now. It looked like mine. _

"_Let me help you." He said to me again._

_I was silent for a long time, letting the smoke washed over me in waves._

_I didn't care anymore. I hated America so much for causing me so much pain I just wanted him to feel what I was feeling._

_Okay, I told the other me._

_He beamed and seemed to gain substance as he embraced me._

_I could feel my heart being pulled. I could feel it corrupting…_

_When I woke up in the ashes of the burned York buildings I was painfully aware of how different I felt. It was like ice was running through my veins._

_The shadow in me laughed as I slowly made my way back to the British army base, "I'm going to fight fire with fire." I said even though it wasn't exactly just me saying it._

_The laughter that wasn't really mine spiralled into the night, the foreign sadistic note in it made me cringe._

"Holy Hell! What was that!" I frowned at Gilbird.

Thoughts of my own long forgotten shadows filled my head. I understood how people's thoughts could affect you; the darker and angrier they got the darker and angrier you got.

I decided to read one more part despite Gilbird's pining

_Dear Diary:_

_It's been a couple weeks since my dream with the shadow. I know the way I was going on made me sound a little crazy, what with the voices and the laughing but let me assure you I am not insane… I just didn't understand what was happening to me._

_I was too afraid to tell Arthur about how the shadow dream changed me. I wasn't even sure if it did change me but I know in my heart of hearts that it did. It made me numb._

_I no longer love anything or hate anything- I just fill indifference._

_Indifference is probably the most dangerous emotion known to man…_

_I didn't realize I had it in me until yesterday. See, Arthur approached me and asked if I wanted to go with him to Washington on a special mission. When I asked him what it was he held up a torch, "Let's fight fire with fire," He had said._

_I understood what the job entailed. I understood that I would be hurting Alfred, and I felt neither joy nor sorrow. I just nodded and within a couple days we were standing outside Alfred's parliament buildings watching them burn._

_I touched my fingers to the raw burn mark over my own heart and wished none of this had ever happened. _

_I wonder sometimes why Alfred ran off to Independence… What's so great about being a country when all you do is fight and kill your emotions? _

Poor Mattie went on to talk about how the war ended, how he and Arthur went to a place called The Netherlands to sign a treaty officially ending the fighting. Arthur did all the official stuff while forcing Matt was to be introduced to Lars, the Nation- Person of the Netherlands.

The fighting was over there was a big hurrah and they put up a memorial, which- Ow.

Gilbert had just dive bombed my head.

Angry as I was, I realised I had promised him I would feed him. I too was pretty starved, and cramped, hell I should probably go out and get some exercise.

"Fine, come on you stupid bird." I said as I put the book down and opened the door," Let's go to the store or something."

I spent the next half hour hunting for loose change. I found a total of $9.74 plus an unused Tim Card labelled To: Saskatchewan from Manitoba.

"Score!" I told Gilbird, and then we both headed outside to the nearest place that sold tasty foodstuffs.

* * *

Thank you to everyone reading and all of those who favourited this story!~ Especially those who review. I love input and like it when people point out where I failed grammatically.

Ummm, what else can I say… I want everyone to know that I spelled Saskatchewan right on the first try but butchered Manitoba. :B

Annnnnnd :D I just found out I can watch all those crappy Canadian history videos from school on YouTube... Isn't You Tube just great? If you're interested in looking up Canadian history videos, (I don't see why but maybe you just feel like it today) search Canada a People's History- Also History Minuets!~


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